I'M Too Old For This Poem by Phil Soar

As a lover, I am gentle
As a sex god, I'm a fraud
Five seconds into intercourse
My partner's looking bored
She stares up at the ceiling
Sighs a little bit
Looks a bit orgasmic
Yet looks like she needs a shit
She doesn't mean to act that way
She's never been that sexed
It leaves her cold, and now she's old
It's made me quite perplexed
She can see a man on tv
That makes her go all sloppy
But If I dress up sexily
She'll say, 'stop being soppy'
I'm really at the crossroads
As now I am old too
And sometimes when the time arrives
I don't know what to do
Maybe I need a therapist
To show me some new tricks
To train me in the art of love
And what to do with pricks
Or maybe I should just give in
And forget intercourse
And stop the swelling in my loins
Before it gets much worse!