I'Ve Tried To Hate You... Poem by cecelia warner

I've tried to hate you
for reasons I will try to explain.
It maybe too late now
but this I can no longer contain.
Before you became so sick (with Cancer)
you stopped talking to me
I couldn't understand, how you
could believe the lies, so I let it be.
I always hoped, with all my heart
that your, undeserved, anger for me would subside.
Now there's feelings left in me,
and for the rest of my life, it will ride.
You were so mad at me
and it drove me insane!
Thought I would never feel
such extreme pain.
Tried to hate you
because I felt it was a good buffer.
It only worsened the pain
and made the suffering tougher!
I've tried to hate you
and that's not what you deserved.
Mom, I just love you so much,
this is my sentence being served.
All my life, I tried to please you
and couldn't love you more.
I have never hated you, ever,
in fact it was you I adored!
It killed me to be the cause
of any of your grief.
Only wanted to please you
but couldn't find that relief.
The only things I wanted
was your love and attention
this I have told you
(and never failed to mention) .
You were the one everybody
admired and looked up to.
You always gave from your heart
which is something we all knew.
If there was just one thing
I could change that you did,
everything you gave me, I'd return
so this feeling of hate, I'd be rid.
The one thing that could've
changed my life, this remains true.
I'd return everything in exchange
to hear you say 3 simple words, 'I love you.'
So, you see,
to hate you, I only tried...
that was too impossible
because it was in that...I've lied.
Now that your gone,
the love and the pain, will collide.
There's no way out of it
and will forever remain inside.

I love you mom.