Subila E. Chilupula

Rookie - 366 Points (20/10/1991 / Luanshya)

I Want To Be Normal - Poem by Subila E. Chilupula

She sat there inside the shower water soaking through her hair and sore skin
The water had gone from hot to cold but she never noticed a thing
Arms wrapped around her body she didn't care that she sat in a pool of her own blood
The endless scrubbing had created cuts and bruises on her fragile skin and soon there was blood

The saltiness from her tears soaked through her bruises but she was oblivious to the pain
She felt weak, battered; all she wanted to do was melt and fade away like the water down the drain
Her heart was beating unevenly not from excitement but fear, just like that day
She hadn't felt this kind of fear in five years but it felt like it was just yesterday

She hated herself, hated all men, was disgusted by the thought of intimacy
Love making? What a joke, how could such an act be love? Intimacy?
It's just a selfish act of lust. She started to cry again as she remembered
She was convinced she was fine, convinced she had recovered

Weird, that's the word every man she had been with used
But nobody really knew that she had been abused
She wasn't going to explain it to them, it wasn't their fight
They were her own demons to deal with, to fight

She dragged her weakened body to her bed and slumped onto it
Stained her white sheets with her own blood just like she stained his that night
Soon, she fell into a troubled sleep and every hour she awoke with a start
Her heart beating with fear her body soaked in sweat, tears burning her eyes as again she fell apart

She hugged herself and began to rock herself to sleep
She created her own mantra and repeated ‘til she fell asleep
Will this ever end? Will I ever forget? Will I ever be okay?
I want to be normal, I want to be in love, I want to be NORMAL, I need to be okay……

Topic(s) of this poem: pain, painful


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Poem Submitted: Saturday, January 23, 2016



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