In, Out (2005) Poem by Tyler Ste

Sometimes I feel like if I wrote, typed, talked, sang, or screamed hard enough and loud enough, these feelings would dissipate. If I could just rage it all out, somehow I would be cleansed, things would change or that the truth would somehow vaccinate my mind against this.... whatever this is - This state of mind, this longing for more... and so my thoughts wander, like little derailed trains through my consciousness (I'm no writer, I'm a scientist) So, I wonder... if I ceased to exist tomorrow would I regret being truthful, would I regret being upfront, straightforward, having integrity; more often than not it's a burden and at my own expense in the short-term... I think that's where it gets to me. I know thinking about this is an exercise in futility but on some level I feel that acknowledging these feelings is healthy. These feelings are repercussions. I'm just trying to do the right thing and I'm sorry if my being honest has hurt you but just think about it for a second, what if this was it? If you would never have another conscious thought, would you regret your lies or truths? If that's an unhealthy way to live, I guess I'm unhealthy, but I'd rather be truthful and less happy in the short-term, than a liar in the long.

This night feels eternal but soon the days will turn to seconds again and when they do I hope they find you well; as the sands of my time turn to glass.