Just A List Of Things. Not A Poem Really. Poem by Nick Lennert

I poured grape juice on Ezra Pound's back
I put T.S. Eliot in a headlock, but I do like his poetry- we just couldn't get along
I had a beer with Walt Whitman
I hung out with Dante and we sent our enemies to a real Hell
I pissed on the manuscripts of some poet laureate
I bought Steinbeck a drink and we became friends
I got in a fist fight with ee cummings
I read and praised Journey to the End of the Night
I slapped Jane Austen and yanked her hair because she had it coming!
I punched Virginia Woolf in the stomach, she bit and scratched me, I punched her some more, tripped her, and she filed a restraining order against me a month or two afterward
I poured orange juice and salt on Dante Gabriel Rossetti. He felt insulted, and tried to hurt me physically. We fought and I won. He didn't stand a chance.
I maimed Christina Rossetti and shoved a copy of goblin market in her dress
Lord Byron and I peed on a confused William Carlos Williams
I became friends with Kerouac, Ginsberg, Corso and Burroughs
I became great friends with Salvador Dali, his wife Gala, and Groucho Marx
I threw goat excrement at Frida Kahlo. It landed on her face.