Love Actually Poem by johannes lewinsky

‘'I felt as though both of us had pulsating in our loins a kind of radiation or aureole like those which one sees depicted around the heads of the prophets and that my sickly, diseased aureole was seeking hers and striving with all its might towards it'' Sadegh Hedayat ‘The Blind Owl' page 67

1
What was it in you i fell for
that now so bereft am was it just
the eyes in you reached out
to the eyes in me reached to

The you unto yourself you
That you are you and recognised
The sense of woe betide
that would traduce in spite of which

you allowed me to
And how i tripped you up
Without meaning to
And that lured me to

2
It was as though all the atoms in me suddenly
Were speaking with the atoms in you
And as though all those that were between
Had suddenly been coeirced by
The atoms in me the atoms in you and had collided
There on the restaurant floor in conflagration with

And this is where eyes are and reach
Beyond what we are to something other
That more is than ever is
And this is where my love is

A thing entire
That cannot be taken in little bits
And never could and always was
Refection of

not loneliness of but the
simple aloneness that
We almost live and struggle most
to come to terms ourselves with

3
What is it now i lack
What is it that i miss
When there nothing was before
Nothing constructed was

that now could be nor would
Missed or demolished be
Nothing but the alchemy of
An in flight moment of

And why this heart break of
This sobbing in the raw of me
When we never had nor will
And now how she is can never

Never can can never now not ever
Ever be by this being in me be touched by
Touched be by any of this that i carry with
And that perpetually itself outreaches to

that other that i am
and that most that i am not
and that ever that i would
and the all in one that i can


4
Everything about you bespoke strength and will

The compacted waist
The set of your jaw
The line of your chin
The sweep of your hair

The high determined
forehead of& the lithesome
energy andspeed of
your up down and in and through

But most of all it was
The promise in your eyes that
Every time we met with
Was out and reaching for
And a meeting was
And how it is we cannot be
Is now this heartbreak of
The missed and gone of a life not lived

5
And so it is
I still am in and with
And all these hours
Of being have and been besieged by
Am not relieved of yet
But must allow that i still
be engaged by

And am in this
Tried by and called to
To find a way to
To hold this centre in
That i know & have dis
covered of myself with
and in despite of them

so that i can this seed dis
seminate amongst
without stint and without
any danger of becoming
a scourge to
to this or that one only

6
It is that i must
This love must
Pull up from within
And hurl it out

Because this no different is
No different from what it ever was
And this the pain has been to know
That i have no further come

Than on that bus or sat in the stalls of ENO
At a performance of La Boheme in 1976 and wondering
What the hell to do with this
This inferno churns itself remorselessly within

7
And i know what it is it is
That you are the fire
The fire that i cradle
And cannot out
And this the why i still
Can oh so easily
be rocked about

8
For i am the air can
So easily can
the flames fan until
they're all blown out

9
This interplay i know now
Which i didn't then
And it is this this that is
That still keeps me from
And holds me sequestered
here and with

10
I will you in me have me be
However wherever you be
This in me with me have me
That you are & will forever
And this will always be
The memory i have
And this will always be
The way that we will be