May Seventeenth Poem by Dakota Ellerton

An endless night befalls me
I lay on the floor by candle light.
My thoughts turn to shadows
and cover the walls surrounding me.
You are here, are you not Father?
Do you smell the blood on my hands?
Do you see what I've become?
I am a monster.
The scars on my body glow like fireflies
the drugs in my body swim towards my heart
If death were on my side, I'd have nothing to fear.
But where are you now Father?
Are you somewhere I can go?
If I layed by your grave
and whispered my secrets to you
would you hear my soul cry?
I am restless tonight Father
I am waiting with balloons and ribbons
knowing you will not come.
I am sitting on the step of my mothers old house
knowing you will not come.
My childhood form slips past me out the door
running into the arms of a large man
who seems to have just arrived.
He picks me up, and spins my world,
only to place me upright on my feet.
Memories are beginning to fade.
I hardly remember your smell,
or the smile on your face.
No, there isn't much I remember now.
Each time I lose control
I lose more of you.
Grasping the thought of a world without you
is not possible.
For I am already dead, and merely reside out of curiousity.
I do not recall that feeling known only as happiness,
as it had slipped away with you.
I have seen you since that day though Father,
you were there as I lay waiting for my demize.
If ever a thought could bring you to breathe
I would think it.
Do you recall the last time we spoke Father?
I told you I loved you.
Then and there,
you closed your eyes to me forever.