Meditation Is The Best Medication - Poem by courtney metcalf
-Based off a binaural beats video on youtube. Message me for the link-
I was nervous at first and kind of creeped out but I focused on the more ethereal sound to bring me peace until I was calm and okay with the other sounds. I started imagining the stressful sounds as my stress and the ethereal sound as a wavelength that I channeled all my fears, stresses, and any memories that brought about those feelings into it. I imagined that this wavelength all my problems flowed into was being suctioned into a small metal box and that that box once I was finished got sucked into a black hole where it then evaporated and became nothing. I told myself that I now don't have to worry about those things and that I am free from them. Immediately my happiest memory popped into my head and i started crying because it was the first time I had really sat with that memory and really being present with it. It was the day my father came home from prison when I was 6 and they told me my dad was there to pick me up and i was mad because i thought i just knew they were mixing him up with my uncle because my dad had been gone a long time and wasn't getting out, but it was my dad and he walked onto the playground and opened his arms and i ran and jumped into them and he held me. I started crying and crossed my arms and hugged them to my chest to give him a hug and tell him i loved him. Then I thought of my favorite person. The one that kept me safe and calmed me. That was my grandmother. I then cried a little for missing her and i squeezed my arms against my chest to give her a hug and told her i loved her also. Then I just told myself it's done, you can just listen to the music and enjoy the calmness until you fall asleep, but about 10 minutes later I realized this was only a 2 hour video and I peeked to see how long the video had left because I had sworn it had already been 2 hours or at least close to it.....45 minutes. This really gets into your brain and allows you to immerse yourself in meditation the same as a dream or good sleep would. Time just flysby. It also made me remember who I am. I have felt very lost for my whole life since my father went away and my grandmother passed. Those were th only people from my childhood besides my little brother who has also gone away. Remembering the memories of these people that I started my life with and brought me comfort made me realize I know who I am if I remember how I felt when I was with them. They made me feel more confident and told me what our family name meant and how we carried ourselves. They made me proud to be who I was and where I came from. Who I was apart of. My family gave me meaning. I remember my meaning. I feel like I know who I am. I feel more confident in myself, my abilities, and even my health and being. I thought: just my dad's eistance brought me more joy than I've ever known in my life in that moment at 6 years old and then thought my grandma was the best person I knew and she made him so how appreciative I am for her.....but wait......my dad made me. My existance will make my kids happy and fortunate one day. Now I appreciate myself just as high as I placed them to my childhood self. Such love.
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