My Collar Turned Up Poem by JAMES T. ADAIR

As I walk in silence
seeking solace
I hear an echo
from the distant past

The Fall sky is dark and overcast
and the air is heavy
as is my heart
as it rewinds a memory

I turn up my collar
and face away from the wind
I hardly remember you and me
but vaguely 21st Ave and 78th St.

Those days I didn't have a dollar
walking from the B Train each night
wondering what I would find
worried if you would be jealous or cold

Down the grey sidwalks and stoops
past the strange faces
through the iron and glass doors
up the cold stairs

I knocked on my own door
and waited uncertainly
as you opened the locks
I remember cold greetings

I remember feeling guarded
and explaining
and feeling your jealous tone
and you never realizing

That I only needed your care
your embrace
your kindness
your trust

I was a younger man
with my collar turned up
my walk a bit faster
but even then it was lonliness I felt

You resented me more than loved me
and me, I was trying my best
You unhappy being at home with child
and me unable to do a thing about it

I reach my back door
and turn the key
my dogs greet me
but never do you

Only years have passed

2008 © James T. Adair