My First Visit To A Psychiatrist Poem by Charles Chaim Wax

After the operation
on my right foot
I became impotent
went to the surgeon
told him
said he wasn’t a psychiatrist
and gave me the name
of a well respected shrink
affiliated with the hospital
told my sad tale
and immediately
Dr. Guth
said he wanted to write up
my case
in The New England Journal
of Medicine.
“What about a cure
before publication? ” I asked
Smiling he unlocked
the top draw of his desk
slipped out a paper
and handed it to me:
Fifty Fabulous Internet
Porno Sites
5 hours a day
5 days a week.
I stared at Dr. Guth
thinking
was this guy for real?
He must have read my mind
because he said,
“Mr. Bernstein,
logically
there’s no connection
between toes and testicles
so only
radical therapy
can ensure a cure
which is what you want,
am I not correct? ”
“But porno, ” I mumbled.
“Five Degrees
plus
two thousand three hundred
eighty-nine
testimonials
in my pocket...
well,
resistance to cure
always presents a problem
thus we’ll go traditional:
So Mr. Bernstein,
tell me the first time
you undressed
your mother
in your mind.”