My Place Poem by Audrey O'shea

My Place



A place so old but yet so new, a place i used to live in a house of blue.
in the front yard i used to play, i used to ride around the block, in the
place i wish i stayed, me and my friends would stand tall on rocks.

I used to love the ice cream man, his truck would come singin around,
i was a kid with no purpose, no plan, playing in the dirt, rolling around
on the ground, i was always home bound.

i loved my mom and my dad, though i had to grow up fast, they were all i had, and they made me so mad, my time in Wonderlake did not last. i lived on a road called Shady Lane, in a beautiful little town called Wonderlake, the breeze thru my hair casued me no pain, everyone was honest and not at all fake.

we'd walk thru the woods, making up stories and games, knowing we could,
there was no one to blame.

we'd play in the water, and bury our feet in the sand, there was rarely murder or slaughter, us kids skipped hand in hand.

we lived at the bottom of a huge hill, but it was a tiny little town, i did nothing against my will, and you'd rarely see me frown.

i loved that place, that was my true and only home, thinking about it puts a smile on my face, becus in that past reality i didn't feel alone.

i cherish my memories that are old but so young, i miss my dog and my room,
where my little clothes hung.

i miss that perfect life i used to live, now there isnt much happiness, becus every time i turn around some ones waiting for me to forgive.

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Goldy Locks 11 May 2006

great ideas here, Audrey. the memories- you sure write with a tender heart that is unforgettingly perceptive. i think to spruce this up a bit you could follow the guidelines to a story- because thats how you want this to read? you want to grab the attention of the reader in the opening lines, draw them into the plot by creating suspense, have a climax (a revelation of some kind like in your last line: well said bytheway) and then wind down to bring the conclusion back up to the beginning. best care & you can send me stuff & ill look over it. Sus

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