Never Pushed You Away Poem by Tiffani Williams

I never pushed you away
I just moved you aside
to save you
for a time
when I could handle
everything I was feeling inside,
so I kept you in the cold
at a safe distance
and pretended I didn’t see you shaking
pretended you could take it.
as the days flew by
I felt it grow inside
of me
but I didn’t know what to call it
so I blamed it on you
and decided it couldn’t be
wouldn’t be good
and shouldn’t be endured
so I put you even farther out of reach
and I looked upon you
every single day
and I wondered why you were still waiting
when I knew you were going
to leave someday, regardless
and the hands of my worn watch
moved and reminded me
I only live for so long
and could letting you in
really be that wrong?
but I blinked away the thoughts.
and convinced myself you weren’t lost
and I wasn’t a map
and I wasn’t wanting someone
to walk along my path
hand in hand
because you couldn’t
you wouldn’t
and you shouldn’t have to
understand.
so I kept you away,
and I locked myself away
and I missed you more and more
each passing day
and I blamed you for the misery
that I had made my friend
and talked to
when I couldn’t let you in
and I pushed you away
like I swore I never would
and finally, you just gave up
and so did I.

you gave up on me
&, I gave up on life.