Not Until I'M Happy Poem by Leria Hawkins

Not Until I'm Happy
Date: February 24,2009

I have no moon or stars with which to dazzle…
Except those that radiate from my heart

I've no silken pillows for you to lay your head
Though I've offered the downy comfort of my breast

And I've no riches to awe or impress the crowds
But I've a treasure trove of affection just for you

I have no motives, no schemes, no candy coating
And I offered only what my heart could carry

Yet, it seems that the shelter of my arms
Has granted you no comfort
As you perceive them as a weapon that binds

And the soft urgency of my kiss
Did not taste sweet, or full of promise
Rather it fell bitter and cold upon your lips

And in my simplicity, I failed to understand this undoing
As my dreams are limpid, my voice honest and sincere
And my songs have always revealed the passion of my heart

So, try as I might I cannot fathom the emptiness inside of you
Or understand the hardness of your lonely soul
For the love I offered was gentle and pliable

I did not come to steal your breath, your happiness, your life
I wanted only to share with you the passion that warms me
As I believed in my heart, that we are kindred spirits and burned of the same fire

And not once, have I held my needs above yours
For I've stood on the outside, season after season
Shivering in the snow, while others snuggled warm by the fire

But the truth rings as I stand now to face a new direction
You have flown, my little bird, so very very far away
Never again to nest in the bosom of my love

I'm left scanning the horizon through shards of glass
Searching for the last vestiges of the fire that once was
For I long to believe that the flames were no delusion

But in the perfect stillness, I know the time has come to move forward
So I'll tarry no more, instead, I'll gather the scattered pieces of my heart
And I'll find the strength to mend what is broken

I'll leave this shore behind me
And search no more for a fleeting glance at the fishes
The warmth of the flame, the rainbows end
I'll simply move on

My spirit is too precious a gift, to lie shattered within the confines of sorrow
I yearn to live again, to breathe again, to soak up the sunshine…

So, I'll cast off this shroud of heartache and lie naked in fields of clover
You see, I won't give up on life and living
I'll persevere, until my soul has healed and I am happy

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Copyright © 2009 Leria Hawkins, All Rights Reserved