Old Control Poem by Phil Soar

I catch my breath from time to time
It gets the best of me
I can't chew meat, have smelly feet
And love a cup of tea
My teeth are false, my sex life too
And no feelings down below
I can't see the telly for my huge belly
And the sound has gone I know
I sat on the remote control
My anus hurt for days
But voices from my pained aresole
Had oh so much to say
The wife had always told me
I talk out of that part
But I'm so glad, it makes her mad
I can talk to her when I fart