On The West Bank Of The River Poem by Ben Partenay

On The West Bank Of The River

Rating: 3.0


beyond that river:
a red balloon jumps in a little boy’s hand
and a diner sign reads breakfast for one dollar
this is home to me and I mean this;

if there were no bridge, no stone walkway to
that other side, I could never be that boy
across that swirling river

but it’s on this side where the shadows flee first
where the cars leak oil onto sidewalks and
ladies flaunt bodies and men their suit coats

here is where the youth end up
fake smiles plastered on with
a dash of regret

and it's most days, for his sake,
I wish the bridge were out

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Goldy Locks 27 March 2007

'that boy'... what boy? in the 6th line. it's vague, Ben. i'm that way too - ~ sometimes, my lack of clarity is done intentionally, sometimes not. Overall, it reads under-developed to me. and hurried - will in time end up..... how? i want more. paced. & lots more.. care, Sus

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