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Opening Tunnel Vision

Rating: 4.8

Twinkling lanterns shone high
In the Johnstown night sky
In a fashion not seen for years.
At least not by me. But then again,
When do I scan the starry reaches
For those flickers of radiance?
This night I jogged thud after thud
Of tarry motorway, running fast,
Thinking deep, escaping very far.
Snow had fallen for one whole

Week now. The fields held it
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Amberlee Carter 07 June 2005

Seán, I loved the concept of this piece, however, there are parts that seem to be overwritten. For the revelation in this piece, I don't think you need all of this: ' And no sight could have Filled me this night with as much Relief and human delight at this, This wonderful sight. Everything else kept sparkling As if it was a snow of closure that Had fallen.' mostly because it tends to focus the attention on you and how this makes you feel, and takes away from the profunity of the moment. You're on to something with this poem, seeing what I'd say, waits beyond. The reality we know is very much a matrix of what we see or want to see, it's when you look beyond that veil that you can truly understand anything..It's what I call ' being in the world but not of the world' I'd like to see more writes of this nature from you, I think you have the talent for it... pen on! Always, Amberlee Carter

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Mary Nagy 01 June 2005

I thought this was a very beautiful poem Sean. The number scores are irrelevant. Just go by the comments that are left for you. I really enjoyed the vision of you jogging while appreciating the beauty of the snow covered fields. Very nice. Sincerely, Mary

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I liked the general essence of the words, and I gave you a ten. After all you're young, and as you grow older, poetic wisdom will follow. You seem to write your poetry in narrow, long columns. Perhaps you might wish to spread your poem out, and make it appear shorter that way, which would then appeal to readers better. Again I must say it is a beautiful poem.

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