Poète Maudit Comments

I hear the fiend ask me from inside, ///To seperate the verb from its object in two verses, especially when the object is a single word it is called chasma=gap.In classic poetry it is not acceptable./// my life as I sit on a canvas //The same with the subject and the verb..Do avoid it, Souren.//I do agree with Fabrizio's comments and notices.Trust yourself.Do make these poet's notes in your poems, but you do not need to publish them too here in poem hunter.Keep them for those after years who will study your poesy.//Try to shorten as much as you can your poems.

I've been a bit too harsh in my comment, I see, dear Souren, but it was only because you've got a poetic mind, so you need to give her 'space to run'.. Understand?

I was finishing to write my comment when I lost everything.. I've written again -part of the comment- and posted it before finishing.. so, here is the '2nd part': ___________________ these verse, here, are the best part of your poem, from my personal point of view: '' My eyes are closed, my room is dark and only a faint, flickering image of your face appear before me, Neena, Art thou a mirage or someone real? An angel caught up in earth Or, A daemon of my imagination? You replied well to another poet, but to me, you were always vague, deliberately keeping me on the edge, with your melodramatic over reactions. And what I thought to be a wheel of passion, was actually the wheel of fortune, the thread was snapped way before I realised my fate. But in the end, are there any difference between the two? I probably misunderstood both those wheels, they take you nowhere, but make you roam in a strange circle only to lead you to disappointment and nothingness. This nothingness is now my life as I sit on a canvas chair on the balcony, looking at a couple of dogs on the street and their burning eyes while a few cats fly across the sky. '' Even if you use a bit too often (=in several poems) the same expression: '' melodramatic over reactions ''. What follows ''And the Blood does speak, / as it flows in an asymetrical pattern'' is a long list of references to other famous verses/poets.. it would be ok, but it is a bit too long [again: it is my personl opinion] The 'finale' is not so original, I'm sorry to say, but it works: '' You are everything and nothing, You are yourself, and someone else too.... You are your own doppelgänger You are, my fellow, a poète maudit.. ''

an introduction by Baudelaire, Artaud and Lalleshwari (I don't know this 3rd poet of XIV century) is quite a 'regal' introduction.. ;) I especially like Antonin Artaud's verse (from 'Black Poet') : ''comme un lait nourricier et bleu; / je suis suspendu à vos bouches / femmes, cœur de vinaigre durs.'' In Italian it would sound: ''Come un latte nutriente e azzurro; Io sono appeso alle vostre bocche Donne, aspri cuori di aceto.'' You are still young, so I can understand how much you feel having all these great poets standing beside you.. 'observing' you.. when writing your poetry.. But you need to take some distance and be yourself in full. So ''Art thou'' doesn't sound so convincing to me, for a poem written today by a young poet.. it is kind of 'manierism' -mannerism- you should avoid, from my point of view (even if so many here, at PH, love using such mannerisms/affectations, in their writes) .