Reason To Stay Poem by Ladicius Angel

On the day you told me you wanted to die,
I stared at the glowing screen,
Mouth gaping,
Wondering if I was understanding your words correctly

You toyed with me to throw me off your trail
A rabbit zig zagging through the brush
But Im a hunting hound
Trained for the best

I caught whiff of your suicide sent
Its smell is familiar to me
Casual jokes, silence, im fine lies
All a mask to hide the truth you don't want me to see

You don't want me to see the razors in your pockets
The empty alcohol bottles under your bed,
The pills by your sink for illnesses you do not have,
The belt hanging from your fan, that is four sizes too long

You don't want me to see this side of you
But I see it whether you show it to me or not.
You tell me to forget and move on
But how can I?

How can I forget the awful panic
That I might one day respond to the call
That you have tried to take your life
That I might hold your life in my hands one day

How can I forget the awful panic
That I might lose you
That I might cry rainbow tears
As your father serenades you into forever sleep

Forgive me if I seem selfish
Its just I have only now found a reason to live
And it kills me that
My reason to live also wants to die