Relive Poem by Christian Hayes

What I need is a drink
Well a couple in that case
Loose my mind in the clouds of reality
And drain every spec of lies still faced by my heart
Put the memories in an unused folder
And restart
Just glancing every once in awhile to protect myself
From past mistakes
I wouldn’t go back to change any of it
Just to relive it
Relive my pain and suffering
Relive the gift of love
And the loss of death
Relive my first Christmas away from mommy
And daddy not waking up
Relive granny telling me Santas dead
And t he drugs in my hands
Relive being young and not innocent

I wanna relive my birth
Find out where the doctors went wrong
And what they did right
Relive my mothers pain that I cant remember
But still pay for
Relive my fathers addiction
That I cant forget

Relive what it meant to first fall in love
Only to soon fall
Relive my first kiss
And be able to remember what she tastes like
How soft her lips were
And if the fire works really went off
Or if it was just my head

I want to relive every mistake I have made
And kick myself once again for being so stupid
Relive all the times I saw myself grow
Only to shrink right back where I was

Only to relive the face she had the first time we made love
How scared I was to let it go
But how ready I was
Relive when it was all over with and I just couldn’t let go
Her body right up against mine
As if we were one

Relive the outer body experiences I have had
On the wrong substances
The dreams I had that seemed to be true

If only I could relive it all only once more
I could understand why
I am who I am today
I could understand why the scars don’t fade
And I could fall asleep at night
Knowing why and not wondering
What if