Romeo And Juliet - Revised Poem by Margaret Kollmer

'Forsooth! ' cried our Romeo, 'a bedpan!
Juliet has been poisoned, hurry up man! '
Said her nurse baking bread: 'Me feet be like lead'
But with deadpan took breadpan for bedpan.

Juliet could see 'twas a breadpan
So with right proper breeding said, 'No, Nan!
Thou cannot bake bread in a pan used for dread, '
Then with deadpan swopped breadpan for bedpan.

The nurse when she'd finished, cried: 'Och man! '
And called for the off-duty sloshman
'Oh Lawdy, ' he said, 'the gal, she be dead, '
So with deadpan gave bedpan to said Nan.

Distressed, Romeo called for bedpan
Put knife in his heart, heard the sloshman:
'He'll be needin' an amulet, ' so atop of la Capulet
With deadpan placed bedpan on deadman.

Juliet, waking up, called for bedpan
'Where's Romeo? ' she whispered to said Nan.
'E's dead, ' said the nurse, 'never seem him much worse'
Then with deadpan took bedpan off deadman.

Juliet, in despair, called for deadman
'E's in 'eaven, ' said Nan, 'praps an 'eadman? '
So the gal asked for lotion, partook of the potion
Then with bedpan dropped dead on her deadman.