Running Poem by Vanessa Kingsley

I’ll keep running.
No stopping.
No walking.
I’ll keep running.

Take a step.
Take a breath,
Take a leap.
Get off your feet.

I keep running.
From you.
From the lies.
From the truth.

I keep crying.
Because of you.
Because of the lies.
Because of the truth.

The wind is hard and cold.
My lungs are on fire.
My body screams to stop.
But I keep running.

I feel my head become light.
I keep running.
The blood is pounding through my veins.
I keep running.

My throat is hard and raspy from screaming.
My hands sore from punching the wall.
My soul vanishing.
My life crumbling.

I try and keep running.
From it all.
I keep running till I get to my place.
Till I can cry like I want to
Scream like I want to.
Sleep like I want to.
Fight like I want to.
Be me.

I push.
I run.
I scream at myself.
I can’t move.

The pain hasn’t kicked in.
I lay against a tree sobbing.
I want to run.
I want to run…

With effort I pick myself up.
And I run.
I’m going to kill myself.
The more I run.

Faster.
Faster.
Faster.
Faster

The more I die.
Die.
Die.
Die.

But I keep running!
Destination is close at hand.
I can smell the sea.
I can hear the waves.

In my mind I see it all.
In my mind I remember all.
And I run harder.
Faster.

Quickly my feet pound the ground.
The pain is seeping through.
My calves feel like they’re ripping apart.
My bones feel like breaking.

My lungs are huge in a tiny ribcage.
They feel ready to give in.
My heart is slowing.
The blood is stopping.

I reach the water’s edge.
I fall and cry.
Physical pain.
Emotional pain.

Mental pain.
It’s all I feel. Pain.
Pain.
Pain.

But I need to keep running.
What’s the point though?
Images and words and memories play like a broken DVD player.
Karma laughs in my face.

Faith looks down on me with sympathy.
God…who knows what he does.
Why do I still believe?
Why do I still hold on?

Nothing but Pain will it bring.
Nothing but disappointment will I have.
Nothing.
Nothing.

The water washes away the pain.
Night quickly falls.
I walk (why not run) to a place I’m familiar with.
I sit in that familiar place.

I work to get warm
I change my clothes.
I watch the stars shine over the ocean.
I don’t have to run right now.

But I will keep running.
Maybe I’ll stop for a breath.
Maybe I’ll walk and enjoy the absence of pain.
But I’ll keep running.

From you.
From the pain.
From the truth.
From the lies.

From everything.


And then….I’ll die and run to whatever awaits me at the end of that long dark tunnel with the light at the end.