Shadows Vs. Light Pt.1 Poem by Shelby Renee

I don't know who or what I am anymore
To be honest, I don't think I ever knew....not really at least
I had a slight idea...but I realize I never did actually know
Will I ever find the awnser to the question that has branded my mind and left a scar? ..
I know who I love, I know who my heart belongs to, I know what I want...
But I don't know who I am, and I don't know where I stand...
I don't know where I stand in this world that seems to have so many things that want to bring me down
Things that want me to bow down and surrender and I've found myself almost doing just that
I don't know wether I stand in the light...
The light that allows you to be happy. The light where poeple with good hearts stand. The light where good people belong and where you are seen and not forgotten...
Or if I stand in the shadows...
The shadows that cloud around you. The shadows that hug every curve of you and it seems it won't let go. The shadows where bad poeple go and where people are forgotten and invisible to the eye...
Will the evil angel come and take it's prisoner. The angel of black wings and fangs that yearn for depression?
Or will the angel of eternity and happiness take me with open arms, and free me from these feelings of worthlessness, lost, and confusion?
Where do I stand?
I have my happiness. I have all the happiness I need. The happiness that some people sadly don't posess...
But I have my past...my past that comes back and huants me...
Haunts me to the point where it almost defeats me and has me give up
And then I have my love...
The love that I never want to lose. The one thing in this world that I would do anything for.
My reason for continuing this fight for freedom even though I feel beaten.
And then there's them....
The man that helped bring me into this life, and the one sibling that I have.
They're the ones that bring me down to the lowest point that I can possibly go, and the ones to blame for this feeling of being so lost
That's it...I'm lost
I'm not in the shadows or in the light.....
I'm in the darkness...the darkness that sucks the hope from you
The darkness that feeds on your hopes and happiness
The darkness whose strength is fear, dissapointment, dipression confusion...all the emotions that make you feel the way I do
But where will I go once I get out of the darkness?
I don't know wether I'm good enough to belong in the light...
Or in the darkness where the person I use to be stands and smiles a mocking smile at me
I can only hope that I've changed enough and become a good enough person so that I can stand in the light
So that I can stand right by the one I love
So that I can finally feel like I deserve to be happy
...so that this feeling of lost will leave my heart and mind
Will the Evil Angel of depression collect me and give me wings as black as night and drag me to the shadows where I fear to go
Or will the Pure Angel of destiny take my hand and give me wings that bear no weight and then take me where light will glow
Wether the light or the shadows is my destiny....we'll just have to wait and see....for I, myself, don't know