Silence And Loudness Poem by James Darwin Smith II

Silence, when I want loudness
Loudness, when I want silence
Antimatter when it matters
The world is so confusing
When left becomes right
And right becomes left
Forgetting what was said a minute ago
But remember words from many years before


Thinking of many things to say
Only freezing thoughts are trying to come out
What is wrong with me?
Anxiety has over welcomed its stay
But oh well… another day


Shy but not shy
Not shy but shy
Inflicting contradictions
And if you think this sounds confusing
Just imagine how it affects me


Poor but rich
Counting the things
That makes me feel blessed
The people most importantly
Those who know who I truly am


I do not push much
Do you feel my faint pull?
Want to be found more
Than to be lost in refusal
Rejection kills this spirit deeply



What am I?
There are those
Who think they have me solved
Must show them there is so much to me
More than they could possibly know


Here I am
Living life, surviving
With all of what I have
Yes, I want so much more
But to those who accept this less
I will do my best
To those certain ones feel better
That is when they need me


I am full of flaws, errors and mistakes
But I am proud to lose myself
Rather than win the attention
Of those who would only love me
For the person that they wish for me to be


I lived many years
Of going the wrong direction
It was always even used against me
Felt so stupid. Felt so dumb
I wished for the world to just pass on by


I hid many tears
Too afraid to face my fears
Yet, slowly but surely
I am working so hard
To do the things
I never believed I could do before


Dyspraxia. Depression and Anxiety
All my worst enemies
At the same time
Close friends of mine

I suppose the curse is still there
But the odd thing perhaps
It's more of strength than a weakness
As it all gave me a unique perspective of life


Out of the ashes of time, finally
The past I shall never bereft
So much more life to live
As this spirit shall finally feel blessed


Many think what they can do easily
Anyone else can do the same
This use to burden me so badly
But now, I am so proud to not be the many rest



The residual of the past still haunts me
This I cannot deny at this very time
But knowing that this confidence keeps on growing
Gives me the faith to shine brighter than I could ever shine before


I shall finally win the war of me
And even before
I know through thick and thin
I will always be fine
Somehow, someway
I shall embrace this very pride
As I always shall use it right


Silence and loudness
Dyspraxia, Depression and anxiety
You are such beautiful friends of mine