Ray Mesa

Rookie (5/17/89 / Grand Forks)

Slow Dancing In Snow - Poem by Ray Mesa

I swallowed a razor today
To make me feel the same way you made me feel
All cut up inside
Now here I am thinking about where I was
Just two years back

October night, Prairie, Broken without you
Sidewalks, Easter, Wanting me inside you
Remember the nights you cried
Then just the next day you lied
It’s too bad the next day that you didn’t die

Here my wrist, I tattooed your name myself
Love at first French kiss, you didn’t tell me to kill myself
I did it all on my own, exactly the way you left me
In the eye of the storm, along the sidewalk, strapped to a white bed
If I ever had a cross hair on towards your room
I just may place the gun down
Because if I killed you I would be perfecting everyone’s life

You took my hand, pushed me around
I screamed at you, but out came no sound
I said we are done, but all was heard were my knees hitting the ground

So setemper came and you stopped calling
My second girlfriend called you a whore
And I tired to get all these feelings out
My third break up kicked me into spiraling
And I knew I did’t want any more
So I kicked and I shout
But all that came out was me saying I wanted you back

Here we go again
Another final phone call
You tell me you found the one this time
And that he is not me at all
You scream out “I never loved you”
The sad thing is I did even after you didn’t

Those days, making patterns in your bed
The whore you are and the one I became
So now I learn where all guys finish

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Poem Submitted: Monday, May 8, 2006

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