Smoking In The Cold

Rating: 1.0

Crying children
aren't so big
in the emergency
No one wants to die
with the patients here
only crying children
and
parents who
either worried or relieved
are reminded by security
to move their
cars

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COMMENTS OF THE POEM

i like where you were headed with this topic, but i think this piece falls short of its potential. you might try injecting a bit more suspense or tension. you've got a good idea here. Jake

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