Something Lost Something Gained Poem by Christopher Ridgeway

Sitting, Reading, writing, learning, working.
Trying to understand, purpose, direction.
The meaning behind…anything.
What is it to wonder?
What is it to be a friend?
What is it to love?

For all the education, formal and informal I think I have,
I have none.
No closer am I to understanding the world around me.
The big picture I wanted to see suddenly gone... Escaping me.
I can barely see the small tasks in front of me…

Trying, striving, crying, driving, looking to make the most of the single moment ahead.
Unable to.
The knowledge of the past clouding my mind, judgment false,
Like a fog rolling in on a harbor.
No lighthouse to keep me from the jagged rocks of my own mind.
Is it self-destruction, impending danger, doom?

The moment passes of uncertainty.
The fog begins to roll back out to the sea of doubt.
It is quiet now the storm has calmed, the moment is coming back into view.
With the moment comes the sun, the smile returns to my face as I move to embrace the now.
Just as I am seeing clearly and smiling to the wonderful moments that begets the next,
Suddenly I know the lost incurred to find them.