RoseAnn V. Shawiak

Gold Star - 142,253 Points (October 6,1950 / New Jersey)

Staring Into The Future - Poem by RoseAnn V. Shawiak

Staring out the window, looking at reflections of double images staring back at me.
Watching leaves shaking slightly in the night time breeze.
Mindful of many joyful memories of Mom, tears fill my eyes because she is not home.
Pulling my heart like salt water taffy in all directions, emotions continue to tear me apart.
Tears and memories wrenching my heart away from my mind, send me into a tail spin from which I fear, will not end until I crash to the floor.
No where is there a place to go - to run - to hide - to deny.
Reality stands stark naked in front of me and all I want to do is die inside.
Die - because I am afraid wherever I am, reality will have been there before me.

Poet's Notes about The Poem

This poem was written a few days before my Mom died. We were all praying for a miracle, but none came. We were afraid to leave the hospital, thinking she would die if we did. That's where the last line came from: I am afraid wherever I am, reality will have been there before me. So for five weeks we all stayed at the hospital, Mom was in ICU, she coded - no one told us until she had already died - we never got to hear her voice again. Afterwards we were told Mom could've lived another year without the bypass. Her cardiologist moved out of state and several years later I heard that he quit practicing and gave up being a doctor altogether. Mom died because of his incompetence and he knew it. Mom was full of life, always smiling and laughing, people just gravitated to her, her spirit was beautiful and inspiring to everyone, especially to us, her children and our children. She will forever be missed in this life on earth.

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Poem Submitted: Thursday, February 14, 2013

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