Still Waiting, Still Hoping, Still In Love With You... (Rookie Poem) Poem by Carlos Gutierrez

I wake up with a pounding in my head
I start pouring rivers of tears

I had a dream last night
So amazing
I hold it deep within my heart
I cheerish it with my all
Inside the dream,
You loved me
We shared the perfect moment
We held eachother
For what seemed to be forever
And kissed
You said you wanted to spend the rest of your days with me
That you would always protect this magnificent thing we have
Now I wake up to reality
Where you don't know I exist
I miss you, so terribly bad
It's making me want to tear open my chest
And burn myself with a cigarrete
That would hurt less...
I still miss you
Although you were never mine
I miss the glow in your shiny eyes
They melted my knees
Your dreamy pink lips
Just their thought makes my mouth water
The way you walk as if you rule the world
Made me stare at you and drool
The sillyness of your smile
Was so contagious,
Making everything you said extremely hilarious
I remeber you saying 'Hey' to me once
My heart nearly stopped and died
You know I'm alive!
I, ofcourse, wrote that in my diary
Described it as the best day in my life
Nothing could break us apart
We were magical and powerful!
But then I saw you together,
Reenacting my dream
Holding eachother
Kissing...
I can't describe what I felt that day
It's as if I were walking half dead
My eyes felt heavy, as if I were tired
My legs started to fail, like I had left my body
I directed myself fowards, yet I was frozen in the spot
Like zombie brought back to life.

I wanted to dropp to my knees and suffer
My every dropp of hope I had of us
Evaporated in seconds by... you
Then the two of you were over
'Okay, ' I said
'I won't think about you any longer,
You already caused enough pain.'
Yet, again... there's somebody else
Who stands in my desired place
Once more, despair crawls every corner of my mind
I can't believe I still held on to you
When I'm not even close to worthy
To have somebody as beautiful as you

I wish I could get you out of my dreams
It's haunting me
Isn't it weird how such a beautiful thing can cause so much agony?

Sometimes I pretend I'm talking to you,
Yeah, that's how bad it's gotten
I'm delirious
You have me crazy about you
I have no repair,
And we have romantic conversations
About how much I love you
And how much you love me
I fill in the gaps placing my words in your imaginary mouth
I feel content
Call it my way of filling in for the loneliness
I feel like a creep sometimes
I know all your schedule
All your classes, who sits next to you, (I stare at them with envious eyes)
I try to walk close by you in the halls
I open my ears wide just to hear you speak
I memorize everything you said
I talk about it with my friends
They notice it's kind of weird how I'm always in your bussiness
I said, 'Yeah, well what did you expect of best friends? '
I can't believe I made that up...
I'm so sad to look at
I don't deserve to be alive
That's what you told me today
And that's why I'm writing this poem
I can't fathom why you would treat me this way...
Well, I can
You don't love me
You don't even know me
I'm just so obssesed
Still waiting for you

I wake up with a pounding in my head
I start pouring rivers of tears
I had another dream of you last night
And so far that's what you are and always will be
The human I love
Without restriction or control
But most importantly
The most beautiful soul
That forever haunts my every dream...
Yet I still love you.