Suffocation Poem by Kim Aouad

Breathing never felt so much like suffocating It's like with every breath I take The oxygen burns my lungs And makes it hard for me to swallow or to speak Or feels like hell has made a home inside my body - inside my lungs - and the flames are merciless My insides are screaming for release My outside is hurting just the same Nothing feels right Nothing feels real Carrying out the most basic human activities (like breathing) seem strenuous I am aching Everywhere Everything hurts I feel muself slowly dying My limbs are wildly seeking solace and relief - my hands tightly grip on to anything that seems stable and my legs viciously kick at anything that seems out of the ordinary - I have fallen And my body is refusing to get back up The world is in a constant spin My world is a cage and I am my own prisoner I long for the time when breathing wasn't a chore and blinking wasn't a punishment My body is tired And so is my soul It seems to me that I am in a fight with myself for myself But neither side is winning How treacherous I am becoming - letting down the people around me who have nothing to do with how I am feeling Simply because I am tired of being Tired of existing - I apologise for the ones I've hurt and have been hurting for the past months I am in excruciating pain and it is agonizing knowing that it is not in my hands to better the situation I am a caged bird that refuses to sing and Oh how I long to be free~