Symbol Poem by Robert Edgar Burns

I have become the newest sex symbol
For women who no longer care.
Old men have asked me for my advice,
And for this secret they want me to share.

I take vitamin E for some stamina.
My wife takes her daily iron pills.
When I am ready for Amore,
She's rusted and snoring now still.

I could have been a matinee idol.
But things have now gotten much worse.
Today if I had a matinee,
I'd be idle for months, what a curse.

Each time I sneeze the garage door opens.
Pacemakers can be tricky some say.
The grocery store door simply closes,
Each time I walk by on most days.

Like two moths drawn to a cotton sock,
My lady and I seem to be.
I was a lusty larva to her cute cocoon.
Then she simply burst out and flew free.

I used to return soda bottles,
To take out my gal on a date.
But now plastic bottles we throw away,
And prunes are entertaining If not late.

I've been told I have the warmest heart
You could too if drinking Sterno like me.
Then blowing onto a charcoal grill,
You'll only need matches, maybe three.

I was never caught doing unseemly things.
That is how I was raised and was taught.
Of course I sewed many many wild oats.
I only said that I was never caught.

If you'd like to go skinny dipping with me,
Please don't eat so you won't get the bends.
I will offer you my eternal love dear.
If it's no then let's just meet weekends.

People have wondered if pulling a trigger hard
Will make a bullet travel faster toward me.
I know there are those who'd like to shoot me down.
But we sex symbols are just meant to be.