The Beauty In My Pain Poem by Napa Napa

The trust one held shattered with every strike on the skin.
Every pain bled under the one you claim to love.
Trying to defend but was too weak to even scream.
Can't get away from each thrust of his fist.
Screaming inside "What's wrong with me? I did this, this is my fault.
Why am I so stupid? Only if I behaved."
The lies we tell ourselves to make the pain hurt a little less.
The sting on the surface leaves a mark just to be covered.
Just wishing that he stop." Please! " you beg but know it falls on negated ears.
The love you once felt gone. "He's not a monster. He's not an enemy.
No one would understand him. He is nice, he is. He just has a temper."
Become numb to the pain, numb to the screams until all you hear is silence,
And the breaking of your own skin and bones.
You can barely see it coming eyes swelled so shut that they seemed closed.
The taste of blood starts to feel your mouth from your lip cut against your teeth.
"Please stop please! ! " you scream inside hoping after every swing that it will be his last.
No one ever prepared you for this monster inside.
This monster you never saw, you couldn't see coming from afar.
But now this monster is yours to keep at bay and in secret.
The bruising begins to start between every angry tough.
Your breath becomes shallow trying to breathe.
You start counting thinking that would ease the pain and keep the mind from wandering.
How long will you last? how many can you take before your mind decides to take that last breath?
He starts to tire his fist becomes softer against my pale white skin.
No longer pale but several different shades of purple.
I grasp for life after every blow wondering how, just how am I going to cover this pain this time?
How long will I let myself be treated this way? Why can't I get out? I love him.
"He will change. He just has to get it out of his system." those are the lies we tell ourselves.
We comfort our hearts with this monster that we feed.
His last swing comes because he is tired not because he wants to but because his body tells him to stop.
Left coward in a corner sweeping barely can see, barely can feel the marks left.
The pain is so great that all there is numb.
Afraid to stand, afraid to breathe just in case that monster comes back to light.
You try to stand but your head is spinning, blind to the darkness that lurks in the shadows.
Will you run, you can't he will find you.
Will you stay and forget about that monster feed by liquor?
The Monster that laughs at your pain the one that feeds your secrets.
What are we supposed to do, why can't we turn the time back to before love even started?
How can we not see this coming? Why are there no warnings about this monster present?
We pick up our pieces to cover our wounds and try to pretend that the world is happy.
Pretend that love is true.
When does the pain stop? When do we choose ourselves?
When we are dead just black and blue with nothing left,
Or do we fight that beast just to become its victim once again?
We are stuck caged in a prison of pain and guilt.
That we can never free ourselves from.
Even when we get out the memories the pain never goes away.
Just to visit you in your darkest moments to remind you,
You were never to be loved never to be truly loved by any man.
We can't ever leave our cage. We learn to live with the pain we create every day.