olawale famodun

Freshman - 722 Points (Lagos Island)

The Clouds Are Weary - Poem by olawale famodun

The clouds are weary,
Weary moving in the skies,
Skies bloated with blood.

Topic(s) of this poem: dark

Form: Haiku


Comments about The Clouds Are Weary by olawale famodun

  • Fabrizio Frosini (11/4/2015 9:24:00 AM)


    this one, on the contrary (see my comment on your poem ''Transformation of love'') , is a true haiku. It is about Nature (a Sunset, in all it's 'African' glory, right?) and respects the 5-7-5 structure.
    A kigo is not expressed, but (as I wrote on the other page) in modern haiku - and also in a tiny minority of classical haiku - , especially when written by non-Japanese-people, a kigo can be missed.. Sunset does express by itself a ''small'' kigo (it doesn't identify a Season, but a part of the day) . The comma between the 2 'skies' is the kireji separating the two different 'ideas' / images..
    GOOD
    Thanks for sharing, Olawale
    Peace
    (Report) Reply

    Oyeyemi Famodun (11/7/2015 12:47:00 AM)

    Thank you Doc. Fabrizio Frosini for your wonderful comments which are extremely educative, enlightening and first class. I would now title my forthcoming Japanese-titled three-line poem collection as haikai then. I will explore using kigo in the future. I do know that haikus don’t necessarily have titles, but I have seen where this is done; however, I will take to your advice. Kindly explain the difference between 7-5-5 and 5-5-7 syllabic structure. Thank you once again.

    9 person liked.
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  • Mohammed Asim Nehal (11/4/2015 8:57:00 AM)


    Verily, darkness around. This is a beautiful poem....10 (Report) Reply

    Oyeyemi Famodun (11/7/2015 12:53:00 AM)

    Thanks Mohammed. Peace

    Oyeyemi Famodun (11/7/2015 12:51:00 AM)

    Thanks Mohammed Asim. Peace.

    Oyeyemi Famodun (11/7/2015 12:49:00 AM)

    Thanks Mohammed. Peace.

Read all 6 comments »



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Poem Submitted: Wednesday, November 4, 2015



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