The Cup Poem by Benedict Lestat

The pessimist says the cup is half empty.
The optimist says it's half full.
The pragmatist says its liquid contents are at 50% capacity.
The ironist says it's half full of air.
The plumber says the cup must be leaking.
George Carlin says the cup is too big.
The Starbucks employee says it's so you have room for cream.
The conspiracy theorist says aliens took the other half.
The baseball player says his cup is definitely full.
MacGuyver says he can build a powerful explosive with it.
The psychoanalyst says the cup is your mother.
The punk sitting next to you also says the cup is your mother.

The romance novelist says the cup is a willing receptacle to the wild gushing torrents of pure passion from the hard chiseled urn.
The zen master says, 'There is no cup.'
Pamela Anderson says her cups are definitely full.

And me, I say, 'Waitress! Refill! '