The Pensacola Bridge Poem by Nancy Terrell

It was Christmas - the hand picked tree was securely fastened in the trunk of the car
Or so we thought -
In the middle of the bridge the tree somehow fell out
of the tail gate of our SUV
Here we were -tree on the road pavement- traffic stalled
We got out - he is 16 - I am 40.and he mutters
"I will never love anyone as much as I love you."

Thinking no more about it we secured thetree in the trunk
and drove along for another Christmas to be spent with family
at Navarre Beach.Lights are put up.seashells adorn the tree
and the festive holiday occasion begins.

Years pass - I, now in my50s, when a call comes in from Bar Harbor
Congratulations, Mama - you are now a grandmother
And so my favorite grandchild was born
He, who had no official parentage and yet touched
my heartstrings from the beginning,
A new life - a new beginning - and a totally new start

Except, it didn't exactly start out that way
cocaine was involved mixed with alcohol and then heroine later
I had to kidnap him to save him
And we all know how that turned out
I was the villein- they were the users

years passed - this son of mine, who said that he loved me above all others
passed from female to female
trenched in living in a world beyond anything we could recognize
"It's all good, Mama" was the quote I heard for three decades
Women in and women out - his son, thankfully
belonged, in his heart, to me

Now years later my son comes to me again
this time in a Middle aged Crisis
He is tired, he is spent, he is wasted and he is going nowhere fast
he only wants to come home - to me
Thankfully

And so he comes.He helps me in my senior years
He does things for me that my husband or lovers would never do
cleaning the kitchen and being immaculate about his person
He is quiet and refined; he is hurting and silent
He is non judgmental and only wants acceptance
which is hard to refuse

One night, under the influence of dirty martinis and memories
I succumbto an advance that I have always wanted but refused
As I am cleaning up the kitchen, he hugs me from behind
as says, you know, Mama - I have truly never loved anyone morethan you,
I turn, and, after a few glasses of wine, embrace him.

The nightglows with stars and rain tapping on our windowpanes
as I turn and he enfolds me in his arms.