The Seals Of Ragnarok Poem by David Welch

I once was a SEAL, an operator
I filled my country's foes with cool dread.
Send countless terrorists screaming to hell,
where no virgins awaited the dead.
I met my own end many years later,
and a strange one it was at that.
Had a heart attack at a company game,
and died clutching a baseball bat.

I found myself inside of a great hall,
filled with warriors from all the ages.
We drank and feasted, fought and caroused,
celebrated life to the blue blazes!
A one-eyed god presided over it all,
and often joined our great revelries,
and more than once I took to my soft bed,
a stunning, strong, sweet Valkyrie.

But time went by and winter settled in,
and stayed for three very long seasons.
Odin's grins vanished like fog in the sun,
we pressed him to know of the reason.
He said ‘My friends, it is nothing you did
that makes me not want to drink or talk.
But the Doom of the Gods has now come home,
‘tis the Eve of our fall: Ragnarok.'

I turned and looked to my fellow men,
whose faces were still, and warrior-grim.
Mighty Odin, he then shuffled out,
and the great festive hall grew dim.
I said, ‘Well, if it's really has come to this,
we should all of us be ready to stand.
At least this time we know in advance
our enemy's full battle plans! '

The morning came on Vigrid's cold plain,
the gods rode out as one to the fight.
They were dressed for war but fated to fail,
a predestined, and quite tragic plight.
But we all strode out before Loki's horde,
and gazed out upon vicious Fenris,
and I turned and said the king of the gods:
‘Relax, my men have got this.'

Odin looked confused, and Thor did too,
but none of us bothered to wait.
Ten thousands years of warrior souls
charged the dark foe right out of the gate.
My boys they shot out Fenris's eyes,
and the old 7th cav, they rode in.
Slashing hard with drawn, curving sabers,
they cut off the monster's four shins.

The wolf he roared, and his great mouth flared,
blood-red teeth set in wide-open jaws…
But a slew of TOW missiles leapt from the lines
and streaked into the beast's gaping maw.
The wolf he collapsed, trailing gray smoke,
but Fenris's life had yet to be spent.
So the samurai charged, long katanas drawn
and his flesh they chopped up and rent.

Up came Jorumgandre, the world serpent,
expecting a loud chorus of screams.
Instead he went up in a fiery rage,
bombed by a hundred B-17s.
A breaching charge set against his flank,
tore a great, gaping hole in his side.
And the Boys of Dunkirk rushed in headlong,
shooting up his guts ‘till he died.

Then Surtr drew near, his big sword aflame,
ready to bash, to burn, to lay waist.
But along came the treads of Patton's brigades,
and shelled his ankles to make them break.
Surtr fell back and was lost to a swarm
of plaid Highlanders dense, in a charge.
And when they sheathed swords, all that remained
was a corpse, quite unusually large!

Finally came dread Loki, marching along,
at his back the great host of Muspell.
But from the rear came Puller and US marines,
and to that dark horde, they brought hell!
As they fought, the Berserkers, they charged,
Norsemen delivering the last blow.
The horde crumbled quick, turning to flight,
leave Loki standing alone in the snow.

He turned to run but I shot out his knees,
and then dragged him to the gods in chains.
Thor just shrugged, and Mjolnir he swung,
and dashed out the deceiver's brains.
It was the only blow the gods did land,
most were too stunned to lift an arm.
The Einherjar had slaughtered all before them,
not a single god had come to harm!

Odin he said, 'This was not what fate told.
We were supposed to die on this field.'
I shrugged and said, 'There was a change of plans,
so listen up, cause here's the deal.
The norns, you see, could hex to whole thing,
so I sent my best-looking men down,
to treat the three ladies to dancing and drinks,
a regular old night on the town.'

‘And if I know them true, they're all still in bed,
after keeping those ladies up late.
And the webs the norns cast, they fell to Earth,
and to dust they did all melt away.
It's better this way, we all did agree,
though mythology might be annoyed.
But we aren't losing friends to nonsense like ‘fate, '
so we broke it, and gave you back choice.'

‘We do not believe we should lay down and die,
nor could we let y'all think the same.
So we do what we do, we altered the rules,
and made the dark ones play our game.
And your prophecies knew not our modern tech,
nor the lessons we learned from the horrors…
To think that a wolf, a snake, and a giant,
could beat a species born into war! '

We turned and headed for the great hall,
the gods still far too stunned to relate.
They'd come ‘round in time, surely enough
we'd all drink, carouse, and celebrate.
And as we walked off I heard the words spoke
from the Thunderer, still shaking his head:
‘It may not be what we thought was in store,
but then again, at least we're not dead! '

And the Norns settled down with their new loves,
and soon were surrounded by kids.
I went back to the hall, found my Valkyrie,
but can't tell you the things that we did.
And for centuries more tales will be sung,
great stories and epics will take stock,
of the Doom of the Gods that didn't quite come,
of the SEALs who stormed Ragnarok.