The Shredder Poem by Joe Hughes

I've bought a brand new shredder,
To shred away my woes,
But instead of clearing out my drawers -
I dropped it on my toes!

I made a quick recovery,
I fed it my receipts
But it's got a shocking appetite -
I think it wants my sheets!

Its mouth is ever open,
It chews bank slips, cheque stubs all,
I'm sure it's got its beady eyes
On my neighbour's kids' football.

It eats a shocking diet,
Staples, paper clips and bills
But I never hear a burp from it -
No need for indigestion pills.

My cat, one day, was on it perched,
The shredder found its tail,
The vet, he really told me off -
'You should be shredding mail! '

I couldn't do without it,
It's become a part of me
But now it's safely put away -
Under lock and key!