A sinner's HEART is the Devils Castle,
This heart is as HARD as Stones;
As GREATER the SIN as Harder the HEART,
As Greater the Friend of Allah/wali as softer the HEART;
No seed of ma'arifah of Allah/spirituality of Allah enters a HARD HEART;
You talk a lot and You read A lot:
Raise your OWN history to Allah and ask forgiveness in hidden mind,
Allah forgives the hidden sins in hidden way,
Hiddens are not known by wife or children so no ransack now....but here after?
It is called TAUBAH/REPENTANCE:
Why i did these?
Why did i dissatisfied my ROB/master?
You Cannot weep then make rehearsal:
WORDS are"
Rabbana Jalamnaa ANFOOSANA waa illam tagfirlaana waa tarhamm na lana ku nannaa minal kha sireen"
(oh god i have tortured myself and if you don't forgive...i will be periled etc))
it is the treatment from the first time of the HUMAN UNIVERSE as FATHER ORIGIN ADOM alaihi Wah Sallam did IT! !