The Wishing Star Poem by Claire Page
The Wishing Star
I see a wishing star up in the sky,
I start to make a wish upon that wishing star,
Which was so beauitful in my eyes,
but by the time I'd finished the wish,
The wishing star was starting to move away in the sky,
So I dipped my eyes & turned away,
For someone else to have a wish,
On that wishing star.
This comment is really to John Richter, whose comment is below. Excellent advice, John, but it may have been wasted. This poetess has not submitted anything new here for over five years, so I'm not sure if she still ever logs in or will ever see your message.
I saw that too... I read 4 or 5 of her poems because I wanted to get a feel for her. Then I searched google to see if she may have started her own poetry blog perhaps. No luck. Sadly she either became discouraged or worse. I assume she was young at the time, high school or college age. Which is why constructive criticism is so important for young people... But que sera sera, heh? It might serve soe other young poet poet someday who might stumble across this piece. Or perhaps realize that I'm nothing except a windbag! Either way it's a win - (win?) I don't know......
I like to comment on young poets - not because I have some great wisdom - but because critique is what I need myself. And so I don't hold back on punches. And this is what I think: Repetition. I looked over a couple of other poems and found that same trend. I like your vision - what could be more beautiful than being young and flat on your back in the family yard or meadow looking up at a clear sky with stars strewn about? Probably only the inner emotion of finally releasing it to others.... Love that. But... cut down the repetition on short poems unless you are using rhyme and even then only if no other words will work. Phrases like wishing star and 'sky' should only be used once. For example, you could use the phrase 'gleaming light' on line 2 and the reader will naturally follow that. But as I said, I do love the vision within this poem.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/24/2024 9:41:39 PM # 1.0.0.1119
this poem is so good i am makeing a project on it! nice work