These Are Things I'Ll Never Be Poem by Richard Sopko

I'll never be a boxer
I haven't got the body mass
I'll never be a gentleman
I just don't have the class

I'll never be prince charming
My demeanor is too rude
I'll never be an Olsen Twin
I do not got it dude

Although I'll try I'll never be
A great husband or boyfriend
If ever in financial straits
I have no cash to lend

I'll never be a psychopath
I have no taste for violence
A librarian's out of the question
I couldn't take the silence

I'll never be a giant
I simple am to short
I'll never be a football player
I'm not a good sport

Perhaps I'll be the president
With support from all the voters
And first to protect the dolphins
I'll outlaw all the boaters

Though I don't think politics
Is really what I crave
Could I be a robber?
And go through the deceased's graves?

Could I be an astronaut?
Leave the orbit of this earth
Though I think I'd be a great doctor
I could assist in all the births

I'll never be a chef
And cook for kings and queens
My most important client
Would of course be Charlie Sheen

Alas this will not happen
I have no talents I'm unlucky
Though really I'd be anything
As long as you still like me