To You Mom Poem by Chris Mallia

I know that what I am writing now and sending you is useless;
I know that you will never take my side, because you never did;
I know that according to you, I have failed, am failing and will continue to fail;
According to you, I was stupid, still stupid and continue being stupid, giving you the 'right' to intervene in my life;
I know that you think that others take advantage of me, further proving my stupidity.

I know that according to you, I am dishonest and not a man;
According to you, I am still a child, your child, even if over fifty years old, but will remain a child;
According to you, I am head strong and I will never learn;
According to you, I never listen, because I do not do exactly what you want;
According to you, I am good for nothing
- Even if I try to make you happy,
- Even if I try to take care of you,
- Even if I try to show you love.

I know I can never make you happy;
I know that I am never good enough for you, whatever I do;
I know you don't want me to take care of you - you told me so;
I know you think that I want your money and wealth;
I know you think I have no scruples, no principles and no standards;
I know you think that I would do everything to take advantage from every situation;
I know you think that I am cruel, bad, shallow, arrogant and show no respect.

Above all I know, know and know that after you read this, it will still remain useless, changes nothing and worse, probably gets twisted.

Dear God, if you exist:
- Forgive me and give me the strength to continue loving;
- Forgive me, if I did not respect others enough;
- Forgive me, if I was not exemplary;
- Help me to find peace and patience;
- Help me not to hate and avoid seeking vengeance;
- Hopefully, I can forgive, and be released from all pain.

Actually Mom, come to think of it, I wrote this to heal my soul...