Turmoil Poem by Pauline Levesque

There doesnt seem to be peace...
we have tried and tried, you must give us that!
We have loved from the beginning but there is no relief in sight...
frustration is deep, trust is on the edge, so much pain...what does it mean?
Where are you my love...so far, far away? Am I so horrible to you? Do I never listen to your heart, do I never give to you of self..unselfishly? If you do love me...like me would be better!
The seed of our love can not flower without good earth.....
I have taken responsibility for my part and you for yours but when I look into the looking glass all I see is pain, sadness. I don't want to be here anymore with you. I can't live without you but I know no passage to safety. Love, laughter, conversations, small talk of nothing and pleasant twittering. Whispers of love and open hearts like children. No fear, no pasts, no ghosts and demons to haunt us now..here.That is what I wish for.
I adore your mouth, your eyes, your sex, your kisses. You spoke softly when I asked you if you liked it....
you wished of me a softer voice..a less defiant, abrasive mask, , , and then to take it off and I asked of you... your love....just love me.
I rewarded your efforts with criticism, harshness and put your sensitive heart under a microscope to be gawked at and the land of dreams clouded over. I lost you then.....

I fear the end now. Surrounded by darkness....
wanting the light..the blue skies....your love....I am ready to ride off into the sunset but will you allow it to be me with you..or will I be riding alone?
Perplexed by so many emotions and not able to see the truth threw the fog of insecurity, doubt...wanting your love but tired of the battle for it.
I will sleep in never neverland...maybe an answer will come in the night on a stead of white and there will be peace at last.