Uncle Sid Poem by David Smart

Uncle Sid

I never knew my uncle Sid
He was my father's brother.
I've heard about the things he did
From father and from mother.

He had a very honest look
Just like a kindly teacher
But many were the folks he took
While posing as a preacher.

In truth as slimy as a snake
He'd fix them with his eye and smile,
And all their money he would take
He'd say ‘Just for a little while.'

He'd tell them there's ‘A hard-up mum
Who needs a short term loan, '
Or a poor old man whose day is done
Who's ‘going to a home.'

These people, as I'm sure you've guessed,
Did not, in fact, exist.
Cash he gained as a preacher dressed
He spent on getting pissed.

But uncle Sid got his come-uppance
When he tried it on a copper.
Down to his last three and tuppence
He really came a cropper.

He tried the ‘parson' ploy on him
But the copper wasn't fooled.
‘You must think that I'm really dim!
‘It's time your heels were cooled! '

So Uncle Sid went off to clink;
He didn't need a map.
And there he had much time to think
Until he died, poor chap.