Unspoken Thoughts Poem by Hannah Davies

I can be sat in a room full of people
Yet never have I felt so more alone
So much going on inside
And I really don't want to moan.

A feeling that can only be described as desperation
Feelings of loss, despair and sorrow
But I know it's only me whose to blame
I can't see past tomorrow.

Happiness come to those who truly deserve it
I'm guessing that's not me!
Is there really such a thing?
To be as happy as can be? ?

They all can see how vulnerable I am
But maybe they just don't care
Infliciting even more pain
More than my heart can bare.

Am I deliberately being so stupid?
Can I honestly see no further than the end of my nose?
Self-control that left me years ago
I don't deserve any better, I suppose? ?

So much I want
But in reality I don't have a clue!
Bouncing from pillar to post
Not knowing what is the 'right' thing to do?

The frustration of not being able to let things out
The intense fear of judgement or rejection.
Is it wrong for me to ask?
Why was there little if no protection? ?

So much I want to talk about if only I could
But the voice within is locked away
Just like the rest of my dirty secrets
Too painful or disturbing for people to hear or me to say.

A desire for help
But still I continue to pull away
Just to feel a little safeness from a hug
But unable to trust means I keep everyone at bay.

I'm so tired if all the anger and hurt
The memories are all still there
So many times I have silently cried
In a world that seems so unfair!

So much of my life has been wasted
Things taken which I can never have returned
There's not much left of me that I can give
But no-one is really all that concerened.

Do I have naive or greedy expectations?
Are people asking too much of me? ?
Everything must happen for a reason
This is how my life is meant to be! !