Used. Poem by Kim Dang

A wound kept open by fingernails
Prying, as if beyond the darkness there'd be more secrets
Peering in oblivious of these seems ripping
Deaf to each creaking unable to register my crimson
drippings.

My tethered cries are demanded to be louder
You'll force my throat to grow horse, for it doesn't matter
the volume.
And we'll 'make love' as long as you're entertained, too.
And I'll feign smiles before grasping my red eyes in
a private bathroom.

The blame will fall on me for not vocalizing these needs
It's justified by black and white, these omissions
as accompanying this silence, I'm submitting my consent.
I'm reminded of my not loud enough protesting cries,
not clear enough to wake you from your glazed irises.

It's fine to forsake my time for carnal needs
regardless if it brings damages to my well being
like dejavu pressed on repeat, these heavy evenings
your labored breathing.

I'll see bliss within your gazes, mesmerizing me.
Questioning my sanity in those sparkles, like how can I refuse
this.
If it's so heavenly, why are my tears already evaporating
in this suffocating humidity?
And I'll realize my cloud nine's disguise
is giving way to a rusty furnace, burning
my dignity, my self worth on a platter for your next serving.

An insatiable love demanding all my sacrifice
my head being pushed to nod in agreement
like these stories of protests are of my own irrational devices,
you'll convince me.
And I'll forget that the pressure on my head had been your
hand since the beginning.

How can I contest happiness when the
world works so well for you?
How can I not display gratefulness towards your
charity, as if I have no gratitude.
My company is going to be at your own convenience,
I'll have amused you.
How grand it is to get real entertainment,
I'm better than Youtube.