Vermillion Poem by Luna Moon

I’m still caught in my thought,
Still wondering why,
Still thinking about you,
And my conflictions.
Tell me why this is so unbearable-
I loved your eyes of chocolate
And Amber,
Not glossy and Vermillion-
Why did you do this?
And I loved your voice,
Like honey,
Like pearls;
There got to be a reason
You let it all slip away,
You let it all fade away.
I only wanted to help you-
Wanted to be the band aid when you bled.
I wanted to wish it all away,
Fix it,
Fix it,
Just change it around-
For you.
All for you.
Because you were my world,
My light,
My air,
My love.
But now that it’s gone,
And I thought you could only evanesce,
I decided to efface the emptiness I was left with while you were away.
Efface my spite,
My antipathy,
My woebegone mindset.
Efface it all,
Because I thought you’d leave me.
I thought you’d leave
So I could be with someone new,
Someone fresh,
Someone light-years better for me than you.
Despite how I missed you,
Despite how I thought of you,
I wanted to RELEASE you
And your illusive eyes.
Eyes of golden brown so deep,
Deep, though I could always see right through you.
It hurts to remember
How I knew you so well,
How I loved you so well,
And how I trusted you.
Because you were like water,
So clear and crisp.
The one who could quench my fiery heart.
But the flames raged and raged,
After you left me for a lighter.
Left me for a high that couldn’t even lave you with half the love I left you with.
How I loved you so well,
How I held you so well,
Kissed you so well-
I regret it all!
Every last second of it!
Why was I so blinded by you?
You’re NOTHING.
NOTHING.
Just a scared little boy who let his Amber fade to Vermillion.
Who ran,
And kept on running,
And who still keeps running away.
Trying as hard as he possibly can
To escape his misery,
And escape his inhibitions,
Never to realize I’m over here on the sidelines,
Still watching him run around in circles.
Will it ever cease with you?
Will you ever stray from the track?
While you’re running circles,
I’m still caught in my
Trepidation.
Constantly worrying about the other someone new.
Will he end up running circles right beside you?
Will his eyes like Wisteria become engrossed in Vermillion?
Will his smile like the sunshine dull and fade to grey?
Will I still fall in love with the ones who are always lost?
Am I to blame if my heart never fully heals?
It wouldn’t hide the scars,
It couldn’t change the past,
And it could never change you.
No,
No,
It could never change you.
Not the sun,
Not the moon,
Not the rain,
Not the snow.
Nothing in the world could ever get through to you.
Those eyes like Amber,
So deep and troubled.
Seems you were always that Black Curse,
Turning my lips to ash.
Seems you were always those Shadows like spiders.
You were always the Fire on the Willow.
You locked yourself in that Glass Case my Dear,
Not I-
YOU.
I lost myself in my confusion,
My disbelief.
I couldn’t imagine why one so tender and loving and sweet as syrup,
Would sequester themselves so far away from the light.
Yet I was so obsequious
That I was the one who ended up lost to the darkness.
Lost in the dark.
You really are that foul and groping Monster.
You’ve become him now,
And he won’t leave.
That finch’ll never learn to fly,
That Vermillion won’t ever fade,
And believe me, Darling,
Oh believe me when I say:
Never again,
No never again will I wear your
Amber on my fingers.