Wash It Away Poem by Courtney Caine

I try to wash away the pain with pills'
I try to make the pain go away, but still,
Everyday no matter how hard I try,
Happiness for me is hard to find,
Losing all hope of finding love,
Begging for help from above,
Instead of getting better, things get worse,
To me, living feels like a curse,
Feeling of death comes to mind,
The light in the dark I can not find,
All I need is someone to listen,
All I need is someone to care,
Because at this moment living,
Is a burdon I can not bare,
My fingers shake,
I've had more than I can take,
My heart breaks,
With every breath I take,
To live in this place,
With all the troubles I have to face,
I just want to scream, but I hold it all in,
Afraid of letting everyone her my awful sin,
Happiness is a word unknown to me,
Happiness is a word not created for me,
Maybe it is not meant for me to be,
All together, free and happy,
I fake a smile so people won't know,
The pain I feel is hard to show,
To everyone else I am happy,
For them it's hard to see,
I hide the darkness with a fake light,
That's my only weapon in this fight,
A tear falls down my cheek,
And soon I become weak,
I fear I am not strong enough to hold on,
I fear no one will miss me when I'm gone,
My heart aches from loneliness and betrayal,
No matter how hard I try I will fail,
My heart breaks from lies and loneliness,
I feel like I'm all alone in a foggy mist,
What used to be clear, now is blurry,
Why must I fear, why must I hurry,
It's so hard to see anymore,
The things I used to adore,
I make you laugh so I can hide,
So you can't see how I hurt inside,
I smile, to hide the pain,
My life, I live in vain,
I've had enough, all I want is to be loved,
I try to let it out, but no one pays attention,
I think to myself what have I done,
I'm killing myself slowly and no one minds,
To even realize, what's going on in my mind,
To even realize, how I am feeling deep inside,
Feelings of death and sorrow,
Dreading tomorrow,
every day, I fade away,
Even more, than before,
Till soon I am invisible,
My life that used to be fun,
Has now become, miserable,
Everyday, when I awaken,
I feel, I have already forsaken,
Every night when I go to sleep,
I feel life's defeat,
day by day, life drift's away,
pill after pill, I become ill'
freedom to me one day will come,
until then life will go on,
everyday my cry's are silenced,
everyday avoiding violence,
the pain i feel isn't physical,
the pain i feel is internal,
the pain i feel is mental,
the pain i feel is untouchable,
self abuse is the worst type,
for a person to take their own life,
i am the victim, yet am the cause,
i am the reason, one day my life will end,
i am to blame, for all the pain,
you yell, i cry,
you yell at me, but why,
what have i done, to you,
that makes you hate me so much,
what am i suppose to do,
when all i want is someone to love me,
someone to hug me, someone to hold me,
someone who's gonna be, everything i need,
i need someone to show me the way,
i need someone to tell me every things gonna be okay.