What Am I Doing? Poem by William Ndoyisile Somenze

What Am I Doing?



What am I doing, dwelling on these memories of deeds done, that dismantles me & doesnt mend me to be one, endeavoring to excavate facts on acts not done, utilizing the past to justify present failures, trying to see the future through the mirror of negative outcomes of steps mis-taken, what am I doing,

whose life is this that i am turning to a sad song, writing its lyrics & composing but in vain to sing, whose life am I trying so hard to resurrect to bring on to existence an live, whose wrongs am I rectifying, making my life seem like a blunder than a right it is, bringing it to extinction, causing myself infliction, what am i doin,
why am I incarcerating my future by living from my past, upfronting the past to be the compass of the life i`m living, what am I holding on the palm of my hands that i feed my heart with through my veins that causes ailment & fill me with animosity so hard to cast, why am I clinching fists, letting thoughts of me being abandoned as a child knife me, letting what mom couldnt be avert me to be mum, letting what dad didnt be define the man i would become, what am I doing, am I trying to tell a story, what story is this having no end of glory, am I overwhelmed by negativism that i destruct the roof I`ve constructed with so much positivity, why am I in pensive disquisitions asking why people who love you hurt you most, why am I cursing their ghosts, what am I doing, why arent I leaving this gloomy pricking hole & start living to see the light, what are you doing? why arent you & I living? we are captives of our own capture lets let it go & start living, for life its for living-Live.

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