~why Do I Feel Responsible? ~ Poem by Mary Nagy

I still have dreams that haunt me.
I'm back there as a child.
I see the drinks, the drugs and all.
I watch our family be defiled.

In my dreams I try to help you.
I try to stop the pain.
The stress of changing whats been done
is driving me insane.

I know that I was little.
I couldn't have changed a thing.
Then why do I feel so responsible
for almost everything?

I feel I should have told you
I hated how we were.
It hurt to be so hungry.
I was afraid, alone and unsure.

I know I was only one of five
and we all went through the pain.
I just can't keep from going back
and feeling it all again.

If only I could have stopped you.
I could have saved you from the drugs.
I could have held you and begged of you.
But, oh yeah........you hated hugs.

I try not to visit back there
but my dreams go where they may.
Each night I take a step back in time
I hear a little girl say......

Why do I feel responsible?