~will I Still Go To Heaven If I Envy? ~ Poem by Mary Nagy

I watch them from the corner of my eye.
(because I don't want them to think I'm weird)
I wonder how I could get what they have.
I wonder what happened
that made my own mom turn away.

Do they know I watch them?
Can they see the lump in my throat?
Did I blink my tears away quick enough?
Do they know?
I hope not.

I know it's a sin to envy.
I just can't stop myself.
I want to....I know how it seems.
It's embarrassing.
It's crazy to want somebody to love you
if they don't.

But, I still want a mom.
One that would come over and visit
and ask how the kids are doing.
One that offers me a hug
when she hears how I'm hurting.

One that loves me.