Wondered Why Poem by RoseAnn V. Shawiak

Living in recesses of a distinctive void left by the death
of my friend, Tushar.

Feeling emotions rising, tears silently falling from my eyes
incessantly, missing him totally for he was such a huge part
of my life these last ten months.

Never having divulged so much of self to anyone else on this
earth aside from poetry that I write, knowing intuitively
that we were meant to meet as he studied and analyzed me.

Mind and energy that he loved so much, together for hours
at a time talking, him asking me so many questions about
thoughts, ideas, my past and everything else he could imagine.

Focusing, pondering, putting it all together in scientific
analysis to be imparted to other scientists, wanting me to
be studied further.

Intensely wanting my brain to be imaged while writing, and
taken to UCLA for further experimentation by other scientists
with him guiding it all the way.

Always wondering about what I thought and how I wrote poetry,
telling me he was going to take me to India to meet the holy
and learned men, introducing me to them.

Wanting me to learn the final steps toward God and spirituality,
having said that I had attained it so fully that I was right
on the very edge of enlightenment totally and fully.

Without ever having gone through what they had all gone
through to attain the same level, amazing me at all times
with these revelations.

Always saying to him, 'but I only write poetry, I am just
a mere poet', 'No', he would say, 'you're much more than that,
you're a scientist, physicist, mathematician, much more'.

Many times he told me that he'd worked with the most brilliant
and creative people in the world and that I surpassed them all,
saying I had more potential than all of them put together.

It boggles my mind still, not really believing it, because
all I do is write poetry, yet able to grasp anything he
had me read, even able to explain his research to him.

Questioning and wanting me to tell him what it meant, I
would do as he asked and he'd be amazed, asking, 'how can
you grasp this, you don't even have a degree in biochemistry,
never even taken a class in it'.

Telling him, 'I don't know, it's just easy, I understand
it all', his eyes shining brightly, looking into mine,
filled with wonder and admiration and I still wonder why.